put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
