that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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