Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
That's how pantless uber rides happen
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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