playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
