Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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