Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
