I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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