y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
