You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
