don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
