I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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