I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
