what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
