i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
