She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
