You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
