listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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