Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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