He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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