I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
