The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
