Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
