ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
