I wanna passion pit in your ass
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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