Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
