I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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