you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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