So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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