remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
