Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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