I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
