I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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