he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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