three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize