I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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