i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
