Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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