we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
