Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
