no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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