I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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