So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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