Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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