so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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