Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
