I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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