So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
