Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
