Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
