So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
