It's like God shit irony all over that family
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
