I just made out with a guy for $7.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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