I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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