There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
