glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
