im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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