FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my shit smells like andre
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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